The Ed of this Pain
by Doomed-Kelpie
Summary: He stared up at the ceiling as he was lying on the floor. He tried to push away his thoughts, but the more he did so, the more thoughts pounded inside his skull. (TRIGGER WARNINGS: SELF HARM and SUICIDAL THOUGHTS)
1. Chapter 1

**The Ed of this Pain**

 _So, this is my first Ed Edd n Eddy fic._

 _(TRIGGER WARNINGS: SELF-HARM and SUICIDAL THOUGHTS)_

XXX

He stared up at the ceiling as he was lying on the floor. He tried to push away his thoughts, but the more he did so, the more thoughts pounded inside his skull.

" _You're not good enough!"_

" _You should just die already!"_

" _No one would miss you!"_

" _Just die! Die! Die!"_

He was at a loss. It's not even like anyone had said such things to him. He was telling himself these things. And with each time he thought them, he believed them more and more. Tears stung behind his eyelids, but none fell. His eyes were dry, so he couldn't even release some of his pain by crying.

 _Tap. Tap._

He heard rocks hitting against his window, and he forced himself up to investigate. He pulled apart the curtains a bit to see the other Eds below his window.

"Hey, sockhead!" called Eddy. "Come on! Ed rented that movie we were gonna watch!"

He sighed and shook his head before pulling the curtains shut once more. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and started texting:

 _My apologies, but I do not feel well. I think I should rest for a while. I hope you two have fun watching the film._

A second after he sent the text, he received a reply from Eddy:

 _Whatever. Smell ya later, then._

Double D pinched the bridge of his nose before sinking back down to the floor.

XXX

Double D woke up, still lying on the floor. Stiffly, he pulled himself up and made his way to the kitchen. He started the coffee pot up, disregarding the note that reminds him that too much caffeine isn't good for him. He slumped down in a chair at the kitchen table and slammed his head down. He then sat there, waiting for the coffee to brew, only to fall asleep once more.

XXX

"Alright, class, I'm going to assign a new project. I will be pairing you all up to create a short documentary on one of the following topics…," the teacher announced.

Kevin listened to the teacher read from the packet he had already given his students. Eventually, the teacher started reading off the list of partners.

"Nazz and Drew… Carol and Josephine… Kevin and Eddward…," said the teacher.

The teacher went on until everyone was paired up.

"Okay, there's only five minutes left in class, so get with your partners and choose your topic," the teacher ordered.

Kevin looked around to locate Double D, but realized that, for once, he wasn't in class. With a huff, Kevin walked up to the teacher's desk.

"Double D isn't here today," he said.

"Hm… Well, don't you two live nearby? Maybe you could just quickly ask him after school," the teacher told him.

Kevin nodded and went back to his desk, although he didn't feel overly excited that he had to go to the dork's house. Their relationship wasn't as bad as when they were younger, but it wasn't like they were friends. It was more like they just didn't even speak to each other anymore. A few minutes later, the bell rang, releasing the students for the day.

XXX

Double D still sat at the kitchen table, but he was no longer asleep. He now stared at his arms, covered in crimson red slashes. He was somewhat horrified, but at the same time… he felt a little relieved. When he pushed away the thoughts, they stayed away this time. He stood up and got out his first aid kit to cleanse and bandage the wounds, followed by cleaning up the blood from the table and knife. Just as he finished doing do, he heard a knock at the door. With what seemed to be the millionth sigh that day, he went to the door and pulled it open. He expected to see his two friends standing there, but instead, he saw someone he didn't expect at all: Kevin.

"…Salutations, Kevin…," he greeted.

"Hey, Double Dork. Our English teacher partnered us on an assignment, so here's the packet. We need to pick a topic for a documentary," Kevin explained shortly.

"… I don't particularly favor any of these topics over another," Double D answered.

"Okay, can we just do Hemmingway or something, then?" Kevin asked.

"That sounds fine, Kevin," Double D agreed. "Should we start working on it after school tomorrow?"

"Sure," Kevin nodded.

"Alright… I'll see you tomorrow, Kevin…," Double D said as he started to shut the door.

However, Kevin grabbed the door handle to stop him from doing so.

"Hold on, Kevin said. "What's up with the bandages?"

Double D glanced down at his arms, a bit of panic finding its way into his eyes. He, however, quickly brought up a mask of indifference.

"A science experiment went wrong and my beaker exploded," he lied.

"… Okay, then, Dork," Kevin replied. "See ya tomorrow."

XXX

Kevin and Double D were working on their project in Double D's bedroom. They had finished drafting their script, so Double D was typing it on his lap top. Kevin, who had nothing to do until they started filming was watching Double D's fingers as they flew across the keyboard. Kevin's glance slowly moved up to the bandages still covering up his arms. Something about Double D's explanation made Kevin think it was a lie, but he also knew that Double D getting hurt in an experiment gone wrong wouldn't be all that strange. He then looked to the dork's eyes. They were uncharacteristically dull and full of despair. After seeing this, a new suspicion popped up in Kevin's brain.

"So, what experiment were you doing?" Kevin asked.

"Hm?" Double D questioned, his eyes never leaving the screen and his hands never slowing.

"When you hurt your arms," Kevin clarified.

"I was doing an experiment with rust, but I mistook my sodium for iron. The result was quite disastrous," Double D explained.

Kevin stared at him. This time, he knew the dork was lying. Something about his tone was off. However, Kevin didn't think that pressing the issue would get Double D to admit to the lie, so he just nodded and pretended he believed him.

XXX

Within a week, their assignment was finished and turned in. However, after his suspicion appeared, he couldn't get it out of his mind. So, even after they were no longer partners, he found himself glancing at Double D often during school. This, of course, didn't escape the attention of Nazz.

"So, do you like, have a crush on double D or something?" she asked during lunch.

"No, Nazz," he replied.

"Then why have you been staring at him so much lately?" she continued.

Kevin thought for a moment.

"I think something's going on with him," Kevin answered.

"Like what?" Nazz questioned.

"Never mind. It's just a suspicion," Kevin brushed it off.

"Come on, dude. It's clearly important if you have to stare at him all day. Spill it," she told him.

"I'll tell you later. It's not something I should say in a crowded place," he replied, defeated.

Nazz nodded.

XXX

"No way! Not Double D!" Nazz exclaimed.

"I don't know for sure, but that seems to make the most sense. He was clearly lying when I asked him about it," Kevin said.

"What should we do?" Nazz asked.

"I have no clue," Kevin replied.

"Well, in health class, they told us we should tell the guidance counselor… but if he isn't, then he would probably be pretty mad…," Nazz continued.

They sat silently for a moment.

"It's probably better to make sure he's okay… I think we should tell them," Kevin said finally.

Nazz nodded solemnly.

XXX

Edd stared down at his arms, the red coating them once more. Slowly, he took a deep breath in and held it for a few seconds before releasing it. As his blood welled up from the cuts and streamed down his arm, he held them over the sink to prevent as much mess as he could. Edd turned on the faucet and allowed the cold water to wash away the pain along with his blood.

XXX

"Eddward -, please report to the guidance office. Eddward -, please report to the guidance office."

Kevin glanced toward the dork as he stood up, clearly confused as to why he was being called.

" _I hope this works out…,_ " Kevin thought.

XXX

 _So, if people like this, I'll probably continue this, but if people don't, then I'll probably just leave it open-ended. Anyway, thanks for reading._


	2. Chapter 2

**The Ed of this Pain**

 **Chapter 2**

 _So I decided to continue this. It probably won't end up being too long, and I'm mostly writing more because I'm bored and a little stuck on my other stories. So, I hope you guys enjoy this, but I doubt it'll end up being very good. Anyway, random rant is over now._

XXX

Edd sat in the guidance office with his knees drawn up to his chest. Somehow, the school had found out about the new wounds under his bandages, and they legally had to call his parents. However, neither of his parents answered their phones, probably because they were both in meetings. So, he now had to sit in the office until one of his parents finally picked up the phone, which was unlikely to be anytime soon.

"Eddward, you're a very smart boy. You know that there are better ways to deal with your emotions than this," said the guidance counselor.

Eddward stayed silent.

"I know you don't want to talk about this, but it's not something you can just bottle up inside, Eddward. It'll only get worse if you do," the guidance counselor continued.

The same cycle of the guidance counselor trying to talk to Double D and Double D refusing to speak went on for another half hour before the phone rang. It was Edd's Father calling the guidance counselor back. They spoke on the phone for a few minutes before the guidance counselor set the phone back in its base.

"Alright, Eddward. Your father wants to have a meeting tomorrow. You're going to have to come down during homeroom tomorrow, but you can go back to class for now, okay? If you need to talk before then, just come back down," she told him.

Without a word, Eddward trudged back to class.

XXX

"Son, how could you be doing this to yourself?!" Edd's Father yelled.

Double D looked down at the ground. He hadn't spoken to anyone, even his best friends, the entire day. He knew that he shouldn't be acting so childish, but he worried that if he spoke, he would end up crying in front of someone.

"Eddward! Do you have any idea how much it hurts us for you to do this?!" his mother chimed in. "We love you so much! You're our little boy! Why didn't you talk to us?! Why did you choose to do this instead?!"

However, what his mother had just said struck a major nerve.

"And when was I supposed to talk to you?! Neither of you are ever around!" Edd screamed at them.

A pained look appeared on the faces of both of his parents. Clearly, he had just struck a nerve as well, but he didn't care in that moment. He pushed past them and ran up to his room before slamming the door shut and locking it. Double D flopped onto his bed, holding back his tears.

" _They're lying! They don't love you!"_

" _They don't care that you cut yourself!"_

" _They just have to prtend to be good parents!"_

" _They don't care!"_

" _Who would ever care about you? No one!"_

" _Why don't you just die already?"_

Eddward curled up, trying to ignore the voices, but still just incable of doing so as ever.

"Leave me alone…," he told himself.

XXX


	3. Chapter 3

**The Ed of this Pain**

 **Chapter 3**

XXX

Double D's parents tried to talk to him, but they were only met with a locked door and silence.

" _They don't care."_

" _See how quickly they gave up? You're not worth their time."_

" _Can't you even keep a secret?"_

" _They'll hate you now."_

Double D's raging thoughts were then suddenly interrupted by a single question.

"How did the guidance counselor find out…?" Edd whispered aloud.

At first, he had no answer. After all, he had just started doing it. He had been avoiding his only two friends lately, and they weren't the most observant people anyway. His parents were rarely around, and it was clear that they had no clue about it. But then, he remembered the one person that had been reintroduced to his life briefly. He remembered how that same person had taken some interest in his bandages…

Kevin.

"He… He couldn't have figured it out, right?" Double D asked himself. "I made sure that my lie was plausible, didn't I? We don't even interact with each other. He couldn't have even noticed if I was acting differently…"

Double D thought for another moment.

"Unless… Maybe that's how he figured it out? He could have been comparing my current personality to my old one, which would be a more obvious change than to people who had spent more time with me…," he then continued. "But there's no way he could have known for sure, and it's been a few weeks since we finished our project…"

Eddward tried to think of other possibilities.

"Maybe Ed and Eddy are more observant than I think they are? It could have been a prank too… I've heard of people lying about others cutting themselves…," Double D muttered

He kept thinking about more and more possibilities, but the lack of having a definite answer only frustrated him. So, he gave up and went to sleep.

XXX

He woke to his father knocking on the door.

"Eddward, it's time to get up," the man said.

Double D forced himself out of bed so he could get ready. He knew the only reason his father was there was because they had to meet with the guidance counselor.

" _He's going to be angry at you because he has to miss work."_

Edd threw on his clothes and put on his hat, not bothering to brush his hair because it would be covered anyway. After a few minutes, he left his room, choked down his breakfast silently, and followed his father out the door.

XXX


End file.
